I've been GOOD. So good. So good I should have a reward! What's the reward? I don't know. I'm supposed to say my health and happiness, but I've had a hard time pulling that out of the bag these days. BUT it's getting better.
I mentioned last week that I've been having a lot of trouble working out. I feel like I'm getting slower and slower even though I'm putting 3x the effort I did last year. I had a mini meltdown at the top of the mountain -- it was a tough climb only to discover I was minutes slower than ever.
When I work out I have trouble catching my breath and I just feel like I have NO energy. You know the "my legs feel like logs" feeling? I feel like that most of the the time.
Last week I got frustrated and went into the doctor and told her to test me for everything: Thyroid, hormones, iron, breathing, the gamut. I took a breathing test and the machine said I have the lungs of a 44-year-old (I'm 41) and I thought that wasn't bad for someone who used to smoke and lead a very unhealthy life.
She said she hoped it was something easy like thyroid that she could easily treat but also warned me that it could simply be stress and overtraining.
Today GOOD NEWS! I went back to "Brokedown Mountain" this morning and made it up to the top in 20:45 which is a solid 3+ minutes faster than my mini breakdown last week and a PR (personal record) for me. My goal last summer when running/climbing this trail was 20 minutes and now that goal is finally within reach. YEA! We did a little extra trail running after that and I managed to stay on the heels of the other girls (I'm usually falling pretty far behind) and so I FEEL GREAT. Maybe I'm finally turning the corner and my body is going to start figuring out how to use the simple foods I'm putting in it and convert it to actual normal energy.
Then more GOOD NEWS (I think)! The doctor's assistant called with my lab results and told me everything looks normal: hormones, thyroid, iron, RA, celiac, etc. I have an elevated white blood cell count from some sort of infection but that's it. It's great news and yet ... if nothing's wrong with me, what's wrong with me??
Who works out as much as me and doesn't lose weight? Why am I so tired? Why don't I feel like I can push through? I'm hovering between two mentalities at this point: 1) Nothing's wrong with you - suck it up and keep pushing! 2) It must be stress and overtraining - I need rest.
I don't think I'm in a position to scale back and really embrace the "rest" concept. I'm committed to some races and I need to keep training. But I don't want to risk injury either.
I'm going to have to TRUST that the Paleo thing will eventually start doing its thing and keep going with it. My body has proven time and time again it is stubborn in many ways and I'm impatient for results. Patience. Press on.
I NEED to find a way to get more sleep and balance. This has to be a focus for me the next two months - so I'm scaling back on anything not work or training. This means the Charity Chicks 5K I was hoping to throw together might become a late winter/early spring idea.
I'm going to UP the miles slightly during the week to work on a consistent base and not drastically increase my weekend long runs like I had planned. I'm going to have to trust that I can use that base to push through the long distances on race day rather than forcing myself to do those distances. This goes against most training plans I've been trying to follow, but it will have to do.
I have to STRETCH. I need to use my foam roller every night. I need to use my massage credits and get my butt in for more massages as I continue this training. I know - crazy goal to have to make, huh? But getting a massage is HARD for me. I have to find a blank night to schedule it. I have to remember to make the appointment. It's now almost 2 hours (drive, check in, wait, get massage, drive home) that I can't do anything else AND I usually get the sniffles after massages which means I do little else when I get home. But I have credits - I will use them!
I have to keep pushing and stop stressing. What's the point of running if it's causing me stress?
Why do I run? I love the company. I love doing something good for me. I love doing something hard and accomplishing it. I love that it is me time to not be working. I love that I can sweat my stress away. I love the feeling when I'm done. I love feeling alive. That must be my motivation! (Well, that and the Tiffany necklace at the Nike Women's finish line in October!)